TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
