I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize