Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
