im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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