her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
