My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
