i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
