Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
