Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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