dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
