I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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