Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
