My hand turned me down
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
