Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
