I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the day after is always just damage control
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
