So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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