Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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