I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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