EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
