I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Me too!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
