So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
