the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize