Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
