Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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