brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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