the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
