Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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