maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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