made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
