Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
