That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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