Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
