My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
