I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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