Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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