Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
