Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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