I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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