Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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