will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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