I could make wine with my vomit
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
