no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
