i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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