Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and she was petting her beer can
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
