Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
