i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
