overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
