Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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