If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
