Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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