She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
