I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
