I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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