I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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