I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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