my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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