how can u be prego again
Just fell off a train. Bad.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
