I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
