those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
