if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
