I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
