Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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