i permit you to call me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
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