youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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