OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize