8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
