Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
