u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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