Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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