So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
