yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
