he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize