One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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