just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
