is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize