life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
