just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
