Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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