Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
