Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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