So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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