I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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