I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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