There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
