the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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