Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize