If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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