i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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