Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
