just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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