I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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