that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
