Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize