i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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