john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
