so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
