She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
