it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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