Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
